There's only one thing I hate worse than blogging!

Hello...hello...is this thing on? Okay, good. Ahem...Hi everybody! I started a blog! (pause for anticipated applause) I want to make it abundantly clear right from the get-go that I hate blogs. I think they are pointless and useless. At this point I know what you're thinking: "Well if you hate blogs so much, why don't you just crawl in a cave and pretend they don't exist for the rest-of-ever rather than starting one of your own?!" That's an excellent question. I'm glad you asked. The reason I am starting this pointless and ridiculous blog, which I strongly encourage you not to waste your time reading, is because right now I'm putting off writing a paper about Nathaniel Hawthorne. My options at this point are either participating in meaningless 21st-century eDrivel or writing a paper about meaningless 19th-century pDrivel (p is for Puritan!). Now that's a really tough choice. On the one hand, writing a paper about Hawthorne might make me change majors (currently English Literature), force me to stay in school for three extra years, cost me thousands of dollars in wasted tuition, and very probably ruin my life. That's a worst case scenario. At best it would be two hours of absolute tedium, trying very hard to make a story about the pious Puritan's seem important, which would necessitate me becoming a very dull person, at least temporarily. On the other hand, writing a blog means I've surrendered. I've sold out. I've turned my back on everything I hold dear! It will mean that I have become another anonymous drop in the bucket of people who, in an attempt to assert their individuality, start doing the exact same thing as everyone else in the world. So the choice was between losing my sense of individuality in an attempt to express my individuality, or drop out of college and become a homeless bum wandering the streets forever cursing the name "Hawthorne!" Honestly, I'm still not sure I've made the right choice. Oh well, it's done, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.
Okay, blogging complete. As it turns out, this blog hasn't even saved me from the potentially disastrous fate associated with writing that paper. The blog is done, and Hawthorne is still starting at me from the cover of my Norton Critical Edition as if to say "You're still going to write that paper, and now I've forced you to to start blogging too! Bwahahaha!!!" Oh yeah, I'll show you Nathaniel. I'm going to grossly misinterpret "Young Goodman Brown" in my paper! That'll teach him.